To Reason With A Vampire

Lawyer Manchester was tied to a stake, spiked through a massive pile of sticks and twigs with cotton and dry leaves filling the pile. A crowd surrounded him on every side, wielding pitch forks and torches. The leader, Geoffrey, glared at Lawyer, though terrified of him despite the bondage that kept him away.

“Mr. Lawyer,” Geoffrey strengthened his voice. “I will not ask you again. Are you or aren’t you a vampire?”

Lawyer did not flinch nor did he respond. He stared peacefully back at Geoffrey, which only incentivized the mob further to burn him.

“On the account of three unusual murders in our town, the honest folk of Dry Bridge County claim to have witnessed your departure from each of the crimes. One of them, Mr. Lawyer, being my brother-in-law. Bite marks upon the necks of all three victims puts us in good conscious that there is a vampire among us; and furthermore, Mr. Lawyer, having been witnessed by the honest folk here in Dry Bridge County departing these murders… unless you provide overwhelming – and I declare you must spell out irr-e-futable evidence – we will have no choice, for the safety of the honest folk living here in Dry Bridge—”

“Haven’t you once considered the uselessness of tying a vampire to anything at all?” Lawyer interrupted in a menacing tone. “I, by no means whatsoever, am insinuating that I am one. However, if I was… what would even be the point of tying me down?”

The mob took a step back in fear. They looked at each other, feeling a growing sense of danger.

“Mr. Lawyer,” Geoffrey dared to ask. “What might you be implying to us honest folk of Dry Bridge County? That having tied you to that there stake—”

“You know nothing of what a vampire is capable of,” Lawyer hissed as a smile curled under his sharp nose. “If by your misfortune I am – and I, by no means whatsoever, am insinuating that I am – a vampire... there is hardly a thing you could do about it.”

“Suppose you are,” Geoffrey snarled. “What wouldn’t this here pitch fork do if I drove it through your neck? Is there something special about a vampire’s neck that a pitch fork won’t do to someone else’s? Does it need be to be silver or wooden in order to drain the life out of you, Mr. Lawyer?”

“You don’t think those three people weren’t also armed?” Lawyer said ominously. “I imagine, as I will not confirm nor deny your accusations, that each of those three victims fended for themselves, in a matter of life and death.”

“Bite marks on the neck don’t sound very much like there was a brawl or much self-defense, wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Lawyer?”

“Who is to say a vampire’s strength isn’t that powerful?” The mob looked around in frightful consideration. “As I have mentioned, you know nothing of what vampires are capable of.”

Geoffrey watched the mob turn to him, pleading for him to burn Lawyer and end the senseless conversation. But he redirected his attention back to Lawyer.

“Mr. Lawyer,” he drawled. “If I set this bundle of sticks and twigs on fire, what do you believe will happen to you?”

Lawyer smiled sinisterly.

“Mr. Lawyer...”

“Why don’t I pose that same question to you, Geoffrey,” Lawyer bargained. “If you were in my place, what might happen if I set you on fire?”

“Same thing as any other man.”

“Then why question what might happen to me?” Lawyer posed the query to all, enjoying their silent response. “You have already made up your mind whether you want to kill me, Geoffrey, you are only asking me to admit what you want to hear so you can live without remorse. Well let me tell you one last thing, before you discover which of us is right. The moment you let someone you intend to kill reason with you, you have already lost. No form of vengeance will ever ease the guilt I have drowned your thoughts in.”

Geoffrey’s face twisted with rage. He marched to the pile of sticks and pushed the torch inside. The pile caught aflame quickly and shot up the stake. Lawyer suddenly disappeared into a thick cloud of black smoke. The mob looked around in fear. A swarm of bats flew over the trees above Geoffrey, crying out under the full moon.