Rooftop Confessions

Under the cool Chicago night, Marvin slurped on a strawberry milkshake with his boots dangling off the rooftop. He passed the milkshake to Bianca, who was far more layered and bundled in warm clothing than he was. They watched a train pass over the bridge that connected the alleyway they stared at. The illuminated skyscrapers set the scene as they heard from a window – it could be from anywhere – a musician practicing trumpet.

Gentle snow fell like ash on their clothes, too light to cover the roads but enough to sprinkle their coats. Bianca sucked on the straw, filling it pink with milkshake, and held the styrofoam cup in her hands.

“If you could be anything, Marvin, what would you be?” Bianca asked wholeheartedly. She turned and smiled, ready to listen.

“If I could be anything?” Marvin repeated, understanding the breadth of the question. “You mean, like, a career? Or as a person? Or instead of a person? Definitely a lion.”

“I mean all of that,” she giggled. “Start with a career. What are you gonna do after high school?”

Marvin reached over and shared the milkshake. “Um… probably something like my dad. Law enforcement or something close to it.”

“Is that what you want to do, Marvin?” Bianca challenged him.

He made a face at her in surprise. “Damn, okay! Didn’t know we were trynna get deep here!”

“Why not! Let’s get deep! Is that what you wanna be? Or do you want to do something else?”

“Ugh, I don’t know. I’ve never really thought it about, I guess.” Marvin pushed his mouth to the side and pondered the question further. “I don’t know.”

“Well we’ll circle back to that. What about who you are? Do you want to be a certain kind of person? Do you like who you are?”

“Bianca these are real questions!” Marvin chuckled. “Why’re you asking me this?”

“Because I want to know! I’m just starting think about all these things, too. Am I doing what I want, am I happy with who I am. I don’t know, I just didn’t want to think about this stuff alone, ya know?”

Marvin smiled, meeting her in her vulnerability. He extended the milkshake to her. “Yeah. I know.” He scratched his short hair and admired the view. “I guess I haven’t taken the time to think about any of it because I thought eventually I’d figure it out.”

“I’ve got bad news for both of us. I think this is how we figure it out. By talking about it.” Bianca smirked disappointedly.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. We’re only seventeen, I don’t know all this stuff. Who I want to be, what I want to do. I just wanna stay here, on this rooftop drinking this milkshake and just hangin’ out with you. Can that be it?”

Bianca nudged him with her elbow, keeping her hands stuffed in her jacket pockets. “Bet. You and me sitting on the roof for the rest of life.”

Bianca bent her neck to sip on the straw when Marvin snatched it from her hands.

“Hey! I was about to drink that!” Bianca whined as she fought back for it. Marvin blocked her reached with his forearm as he took several gulps of the milkshake before handing it back.

“Ahhh,” he sighed satisfied.

She rolled her eyes as she reclaimed the milkshake. She put the edge of her lips on the straw and barely took a sip. Her face had changed, sinking into sorrow.

“Marvin,” she said lowly.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think we’ll… still be friends after high school?”

“Of course, are you kidding?”

She paused. He made her question sound ridiculous but the thought began to eat her from the inside. “People don’t keep in touch after high school. I’ve known you too long to know what my life is like without you. But I don’t know if we’ll stay… I don’t know why I’m so scared...”

“Hey… hey, listen,” Marvin shifted on the ledge of the roof and faced her better. “We’re always gonna be there for each other, alright? You and me, we’re best friends. Nothing can change that.”

“I’ve seen it change for people. I’ve seen blood turn against blood and they die before they ever forgive each other. Marvin, I don’t want that to happen to us.”

“It won’t!”

She looked him in the eyes; she saw he was serious but their inexperience in life worried her they wouldn’t sustain the deep bond they had formed for 12 years.

“Promise?” she asked quietly.

“I promise.”

She rested the styrofoam milkshake on her knee and looked at the skyscrapers. “You remember my uncle, right? Uncle Andre?”

“Oh yeah,” Marvin recalled. “Yeah, he was a, uh… an insurance salesman or something.”

“That’s what he said he was,” Bianca looked down. “We found out he was into some bad stuff, Marvin. I remember going over to his place and thinking he had the coolest house I’d ever seen. But now I’m not allowed to see him anymore. He’s out of prison next year and I really want to see him, but my folks would kill me if I saw him.”

“But he’s your uncle. He’s family.”

“They don’t see it that way. They see him as a liar. They can’t forgive him.” She brought the milkshake up to drink but she suddenly stopped, handing it back over to Marvin. She sighed and rubbed her face.

“I’m just scared that I can’t control who comes and goes in my life. There are people I care about that I can’t live without. Like you, Marvin. If something were to happen to us, I…”

Marvin put his hand on her leg and looked her in the eyes dearly. “No matter what happens in life, Bianca, you and I will always be together. And if anything ever happens where you did something that was bad… I’ll forgive you. What we have is thicker than blood.”

Bianca scooted closer to Marvin and slipped under his arm. She leaned her head on his chest. They sat together watching another train pass over the bridge. The snow gently covered their heads as they sat in silence.

“I think I know my answer,” Marvin spoke slowly, he was suddenly nervous.

“What answer?”

“If I could be anything.”

Bianca leaned her head up to see him. “What would you be, Marvin?”

“Honest.”

She pulled away and tilted her head, waiting for him to explain.

“If I don’t know something, I won’t pretend to. If I’m scared about something, I’ll admit it. If I love something, I’ll say it.”

“That sounds good,” she repositioned herself on his chest when he suddenly continued.

“Bianca, I don’t know what the future holds, and I’m scared about what might happen if I screw up, but I know I love you.”

She shot up and looked at him. “You… you… what?”

“I think I know why we’re so scared lose each other, why you mean something different than the rest of my family and friends.”

She shook her head in denial, too good to be true. “I…I don’t…”

“I’ve loved you I think for a year now, but I’ve been too scared to tell you because I didn’t want things to change. And if I don’t say something now, then… Bianca, I’d rather lose you than lie to you.”

Her eyes glistened as she heard the words she had dreamed of hearing for years herself. She closed her eyes and leaned in, kissing her best friend.

“Ditto.”

“Ditto?! C’mon, man! Don’t cop out like that!”

She laughed. “What? It’s true! Ditto.”

“Come oooon, say it back! You know you do.”

She leaned in inches from his face. “Fine. I love you, too, Marvin.”

“Could you, ahem… could you say it again? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

She pushed him, turning red. Bianca looked back at Marvin and decided she would go close again and kiss him. “I love you, too.”

She remained there close to him as they held each other under the cool Chicago night, watching the snow fall over the city, listening to the brass sounds of a trumpet somehwere in the city.