No Longer Hers

Driving under a dark sky, glowing purple with a casting net of stars poking holes in the night, Michael presses the base of his palm on the steering wheel. Orange streetlights pass over his eyes, illuminating his face occasionally. He watches the empty road, save for a few sedans that shine red taillights in front of him.

Jessica watches the same road, buckled in the passenger with a pastel pink backpack squished between her legs. She fiddles with the black handle on her metal water bottle, working to relax her breathing in the uncomfortable silence.

She glances at him, who seems set on keeping his eyes ahead of himself. Jessica’s will was bending in an effort to avoid looking at him; yet the longer she dodges eye contact, the deeper her sorrow buries in her heart.

Michael flicks the turn signal switch down as he drifts into the left turn lane. They listen to the clicking of the blinker in the silence, save for the oncoming sedan that passes to their left, rocking their car as the wind pushes against it. The sedan passes them; Michael spins the wheel and enters the airport.

Michael pulls up to the side of a vacant Phoenix-Mesa Gateway Airport. He follows the curved bend of the sidewalk and parks outside the automatic doors. Michael leans forward and pushes the hazard lights on. He then reaches down to his left and pushes another button; the trunk pops open. Michael opens the door and walks outside – all without looking at her.

Jessica pauses, placing her water bottle in her pink backpack and slinging it over her shoulders, before she opens the handle on her right and steps out into the airport. A rushing sound a plane echoes above her. She looks up and watches a Boeing 737-800 cover the purple sky with its gliding wings. She cranes her neck and follows the plane in the air, watching it sink into the sky deeper and deeper until it was swallowed by a cloud.

She looks back at the car and sees Michael had removed her suitcase from the trunk and propped it up on the sidewalk. He places his hands in his jacket pockets and sighs heavily. He finally looks at her. She looks at him, now wishing she could look away.

Jessica walks to the suitcase beside him and pulls up the handle. She tests the wheels, rolling the suitcase back and forth, stalling so she doesn’t have to go. Jessica licks her lips and holds her mouth open, waiting for the right thing to say as closure for their goodbye.

Michael speaks first. “You’re doing the right thing.”

Those were not the words she wanted to hear as she fights against her emotions. She almost wishes for a fight so it would make her leaving him easier. She looks at him and smiles gently. “I know this isn’t easy for either of us.”

“It’s not,” she whispers, choked up.

“But you have your whole life ahead of you. And you’re going to do great things.”

She rolls the suitcase back and forth one more time, rolling her tongue around her teeth in search for what next to say. But all that comes to mind is a question. “Why can’t you come with me?” She locks eyes with him, and he looks deeply in hers.

“I’m not right for you anymore, Jessica.”

“But you can be, if you come with me.”

He shakes his head, “I’ll hold you back.”

“No, you won’t, Michael. You can come and we can still make this work. We can find a way to last together.”

“What we’ve had… I’m never going to forget. But you have to go and be the amazing woman you’re supposed to be. And that’s not here in Phoenix.”

“And that means you can’t come?”

“It means I’m not supposed to be with you anymore.”

“But why—”

“The life I have here is established. The life I’ve made is meant for me, here. I don’t have the dreams you do. I don’t have ambition you do. I want you to succeed, but I don’t want to leave what I have here.” He steps towards her and holds her by her shoulders. “I want what’s best for you, even if that means it’s without me.”

Jessica looks away and shakes her head. “You’re working real hard to try and say the right things, aren’t you?”

He nods.

She tilts her head and looks compassionately in his eyes. “You don’t really feel that way, do you, though?”

He shakes his head and looks down slightly.

“You don’t want me to go at all.”

“Never.”

“Then why are you saying these things to me?”

“Because if I don’t I know I’m going to screw something up.”

Jessica exhales a long sigh. She inhales through her nose, takes her finger, and lifts his chin. “Admit to me what you want.” She watches his bottom lip tremble. “Not what you think you should say but how you feel, Michael.”

Michael presses his lips tightly and clenches his jaw, fighting a whirlwind of emotions. “Promise me, if I do, you’ll go.”

She nods.

Michael takes a sharp inhale and then exhales heavily. “I don’t think I’m ever going to love anyone the way I’m in love with you now. And I’m… pissed that you’re leaving me. I can’t imagine what I’m going to do when you go. Watching you leave will feel like dying. I want to steal you away, right now, from this airport and take you home, where we’ll be together forever.” He pauses and closes his eyes. “But despite all of that, something in me knows that if I keep you, I will destroy everything we’ve ever had.”

Jessica rushes forward and kisses him hard, wrapping her arms around his neck. Michael holds her tight. She pulls away, wiping a tear stain off his cheek with her thumb. She reaches down and grabs her suitcase handle.

She smiles faintly. “I’ll always love you.”

“I’ll always love you, too.” Jessica takes a step backwards, and then another, walking away slowly. She waves slightly, he waves back barely. Jessica spins around and enters through the automatic doors.

Michael sits on the roof of his car cross-legged, looking up at the purple sky. The rushing sound a plane echoes above him. Michael watches a Boeing 737-800 cover the sky with its gliding wings, soaring over him, disappearing into the night.