Mechanics in Suits

Klaus wiped the last of the blood in kitchen floor. He pressed his hand on his knee and stood himself up.

“Phew,” he exhaled. “I think I got it all.” A short and bald man named Ivan checked his work. He craned his body downward to examine every stain and discoloring on the tile floor. He took his finger nail and scratched a dark spot beside the fridge.

“Yes,” he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “It’s good. Body’s in the bathroom for now.”

“Now how much longer before Steven arrives?” Klaus asked as he checked his watch. “I want this done fast.”

“He’s on his way,” Ivan tried calming him down. “He’s coming.”

“Not soon enough. Morris Johnston and his brother… Morris’s brother… Morris’s brother! Did you get someone to tail him?”

“Easy, easy. I got it all figured out.” Ivan mapped out the situation with his hands in the air. He explained the Morris’s brother, Chuck works from 8:45 to 5 in the evening. He takes the subway home, which puts him back in this apartment at 5:28 at the very earliest. Sometimes Chuck will grab a sandwich from the deli around the block at his job, which pushes his arrival back even further. And very often he misses the first car in the subway.

“What’s the time right now?” Ivan calmly asked to prove his point.

Klaus checked it. 4:33 in the evening.

“You see? Steven will be here in seven minutes tops. It’s all mapped out, Klaus. Steven takes the body, and at least an hour later Chuck comes home.”

There was a knock on the door. Ivan smiled and waved for Klaus to answer. Klaus breathed a sigh of relief.

Klaus opened the door and stood face to face with an average man eating a sandwich. He held a bite in his cheek as he stared at the strange men in suits.

“Who are you?” Chuck asked concernedly.

Klaus slowly turned back at glared wide-eyed at Ivan. Ivan stepped forward and explained quickly:

“We’re here to check on your refrigerator.”

“My refrigerator?” Chuck said with a mouthful.

“Yes,” Klaus played along. “All the units, actually. Gas leak.”

“Gas leak from the refrigerator?”

“Nasty one, yes,” Klaus shooed him away. “Why don’t you come back—”

“No!” Ivan stopped him. They looked at each other. Ivan shook his head carefully, infinitesimally so only Klaus would notice. “This is his home, we can’t kick him out.”

“That’s right, it is my home,” Chuck peered over Klaus and looked inside. “Now, wait a minute, where’s my brother?”

“Brother?” Ivan repeatedly innocently.

“Yes, you didn’t happen to see my brother here did you? About yea tall, looks like just like me with longer hair; name’s Morris. He’s usually home at this hour.”

“Are you usually home at this hour?” Klaus interrogated.

“Well, no, actually. I had a pitch meeting that went pretty swell and the boss said I could take the rest of the day off—um… why?”

“Well this refrigerator leak will take longer than you’d like,” Klaus cautioned.

“This is strange, isn’t it? I never heard anything about a leak from Morris. Are you sure you didn’t see him?”

“Positive.” Klaus and Chuck stared at each other. Chuck took a messy bite of his sandwich. “Well, since I don’t have to leave, mind if I come in… to my own home?”

Klaus stepped aside and watched Chuck carefully as he stood over the rug by the sofa. He looked around as he tossed his brown coat on the sofa arm.

“The fridge doesn’t work right now, huh?” Chuck pointed into the kitchen.

“Not yet,” Ivan excused. “It… is running but we need to make sure it’s working properly.”

Chuck swallowed his bite and waved his sandwich at the men. “You know, I’ve never seen plumbers or mechanics dressed as sharply as you.”

“It’s part of the brand,” Ivan said happily.

“What’s the company name?”

Ivan paused. “Mechanics in Suits.”

Chuck scratched his ear. “Mechanics in Suits is the name of your company?”

“We’re new.”

Chuck walked towards the bathroom when both Ivan and Klaus shouted for him to stop. “Don’t go in there!”

“I can use my own restroom now?”

“No! All of our… tools are in there.” Klaus explained.

“Yes,” Ivan agreed. “It’s in the way.”

Chuck stared at both the men. He looked at the bathroom door and then strolled back to the sofa. He grabbed the telephone sitting on the side table. He spun the wheel and began dialing.

“Who is it that you’re calling?” Ivan requested.

Chuck just stared back at them. Another person answered. Chuck inquired if other tenants in the building had leaks in their apartments. If anyone requested maintenance. If Morris had asked about the problem. If they had ever heard of Mechanics in Suits. She answered no to them all.

“Well could you send someone up to unit 303. Fine.” Chuck hung up.

Chuck sat down casually on his sofa crossed one leg over the other, biting off a chunk of his sandwich. He chewed as he looked back and forth at the mysterious men. Klaus and Ivan stared at each other.

Chuck shook his sandwich at Klaus and Ivan. “Slow work day, huh? Not in any rush to the next appointment are you?”

Klaus shook his head. He looked at Ivan and then asked to be excused to the kitchen.

“Certainly,” Chuck said cheery. “Just don’t use the fridge. I hear it’s broken.”

Klaus slowly grabbed Ivan by the lapel and stuffed his suit between his fists. “Why would you let him in?” he whispered angrily.

“He’s seen our face!” he whispered back. “He knows what we look like!”

“Now he does, you buffoon! A man can hardly remember what someone looks like in a pacing glance, but now you two have had a real charming conversation together! Are you going to invite him to dinner later?”

“Oh shut up! We’ll take care of this.”

“I think we should take care of this. Klaus revealed his .38 hiding in his jacket.

“No! We can’t!”

“Why not?”

“He just called for someone to come, they’ll see us leaving and find Chuck then Morris.”

“Fine,” Klaus shoved the gun back in his jacket. “What then?”

Ivan looked at the refrigerator and looked behind it. He opened a drawer in the kitchen and took out a pair of scissors. He bent downwards and carefully cut one wire. The fridge hummed to a still quietness.

They returned from the kitchen and explained that the refrigerator seemed to malfunction and they’ll need more time to repair it.

“Oh no,” Chuck denied them. “I’m not going anywhere. In fact, neither are you.”

There was a knock on the door. Chuck smiled and waved for the men to answer the door. Klaus breathed nervously as he swung it open.

Klaus stood face to face with a white haired man in a long black beard with dark sunglasses on.

“Steven,” Klaus said sinisterly.

“Where is it?” Steven said frankly.

“Excuse me, are you another bandmate of the Mechanics in Suits?” Chuck questioned.

“Where is it?” Ivan repeated. “The gas leak, you mean.” He glanced back at Chuck and made a face at Steven.

“Ah,” Steven acknowledged. “Yes. The gas leak.”

“Here. Your… tools are in the bathroom. Klaus, why don’t you and I show our friend Chuck what the matter is with that silly refrigerator, yes?”

Chuck looked suspiciously at all the men in his apartment. He slowly rose from the couch and walked into the kitchen with Ivan and Klaus.

“Klaus,” Ivan said politely, “Keep an eye for Steven in case he… needs any help.” Ivan waved Chuck closer to the fridge and pointed behind it. “You see that wire there? Yes, that wire needs to be replaced. Probably what caused the gas leak. I’d say it won’t be entirely too expensive, but hopefully you can afford a pretty penny—”

“I never gave you my name,” Chuck said sternly. Ivan and Klaus slowly turned to each other. “I said my brother’s name. Not mine. How do you know my name?”

Ivan searched for words when suddenly Chuck ran and pushed Klaus out of the way and sprinted into the living. He turned the corner from the kitchen and saw Steven holding a white sack over his shoulder. They locked eyes.

Chuck screamed bloody murder in realization his brother was in the body bag. There was a final knock on the door. “Police, we received a call of suspicious men in unit 303?”

Chuck tried yelling but Klaus quickly covered his mouth and wrestled him to the ground.

Ivan stepped to the door and pressed his lips by the door handle. He said it was a mistake.

“Mind if we take a look?” the police asked.

“Oh, not now. I don’t have my clothes on.”

“Why don’t you put some clothes on and we’ll wait.”

Ivan locked eyes with Steven and nodded at each other. Steven threw the body bag back in the bathroom and helped wrestle Chuck. Ivan took out a handkerchief from his jacket and shoved it in Chuck’s mouth. The three of them pulled Chuck into the bathroom where Steven held him down. Klaus and Ivan shut the door and took a deep breath. They answered the door and greeted them politely.

There were two policemen. They looked at Klaus and Ivan up and down and cocked their heads. “You put on suits to answer the door?”

“Yes.”

The police walked in and looked around, checking the corners of the room. One of the officers spotted the sandwich by the sofa. “Is this yours?”

“Yes,” Ivan answered.

“Looks good.”

Ivan agreed. The officer asked where it’s from. Ivan knew the answer.

“Porky’s.”

“Never been. Where at?”

“34th and 9th.”

The officer peeled back the sandwich and look at the ingredients. “What’s in it?”

“Tomatoes, lettuce, onions, a little mayonnaise, mustard, and a hint of oregano.”

The officer nodded. He confirmed once more it looked good. Klaus refrained from expressing his impressment with Ivan’s research.

“Where’re you gentlemen off to in suits?” one of the officers inquired.

“A couple of drinks.”

“Fine. We could use one, right?” he looked at his partner, who rambled on about the toll of being in the force.

“Well then, it seems it was in fact just a mistake.” The officer tipped his hat. “Except for this one last question.”

“Yes?” Ivan smiled cordially.

“The phone call we received was about two suspicious gentlemen in suits claiming to be mechanics. Does that ring a bell?”

Ivan stared at the officers and didn’t respond.

“Seems like both of you fit the description to a T. In fact, it makes sense that at least a third person would have called to describe you two. Especially because you failed to mention one key ingredient in that sandwich.”

“What’s that?” Ivan swallowed as he whispered nervously.

The officer stepped towards him menacingly. “Bacon. The place is called Porky's. And I don’t know a real man who puts bacon on his sandwich and forgets.”

Klaus suddenly flung his jacket behind himself and withdrew his .38, and fired at the officer. The officer fell down and clutched his chest. The second officer pulled his own firearm and shot Klaus. Ivan ran and tackled the second officer and reached for the gun.

Just then, the bathroom door burst open. Chuck ran out as Steven crawled after him with a bloody nose. Chuck yanked Ivan off the officer as Steven dashed out of the room. The officer pinned Ivan to the floor and handcuffed him.

Chuck thanked him, and the officer thanked him back. Chuck explained what happened when he got home and the tragedy of his brother’s murder. The officer said they’d get to the bottom of it.

“Know any reason why your brother would be mixed up with these men?”

“No, no I don’t.”

“I’ll tell you!” Ivan shouted with his face buried in the floor. “He stole from our boss! He stole ten thousand dollars from us!”

“Morris? That doesn’t make any sense!” Chuck exclaimed.

“Yes! Morris Johnston stole ten thousand dollars for us!”

Chuck paused. “Morris Johnston?”

“Yes! Yes! Morris Johnston!”

“My last name is Johnson.”

Ivan looked up. “Johnson? No T?”

Chuck denied it.

“Oh.”