Love and Death

Ellie and Elijah stood side-by-side in a small church as people dressed in black came to up to them one-by-one. A woman took Ellie by her hand and held it with both of hers.

“Oh, Ellie...” the woman grieved, trying her best to show the pain in her heart.

Ellie smiled and looked at the woman with gratitude. “Thank you for coming, so much.”

“Your grandmother was the sweetest lady, Ellie.”

“Thank you so much.” The woman lightly patted Ellie’s hands and left. Ellie combed her ginger hair behind her ears and looked to her left at her tall boyfriend. Elijah kept the same expression on his face he had for the past several minutes: a half-smile and nodding thank-you’s to each guest as they came to comfort Ellie. She reached over and rubbed his arm, encouraging him to relax. Elijah took a breath. “Elijah,” she said quietly, “thank you so much for coming.”

“Of course,” he replied, cocking his slightly. “Why wouldn’t I have come?”

Ellie shrugged. “It just means a lot to me.” She stood on her tip-toes and leaned up to kiss his shaven face. Elijah smiled wider.

Another woman with a slight hunchback approached them. “Ellie, dear,” she said in a soothing voice as she came in for a hug.

Ellie wrapped her arms around the woman. “Hi, Auntie.”

“Uncle Albert is with your folks, especially your mom. I wanted to check in with you, dear. How are you holding up?”

“I’m okay. It’s hard.” Ellie smiled as big as she could. She let out a little laugh like a cough, suddenly hit with a second wave of emotion. Her aunt came in once more for a second hug. This time Ellie squeezed her tightly. Elijah watched, half-smiling, unsure what to do in the moment.

Ellie and her aunt pulled apart; her aunt tilted her head and looked at Ellie, as if trying to get a better angle of her. “It’s okay to be sad, Ellie.”

Ellie smiled with a red nose and sniffed a little. “I know,” she smiled wide once more, showing off her beautiful smile. “I just don’t like feeling sad.”

“Well, we have to be able to communicate how we feel, don’t we?” her auntie imparted wisely. Ellie nodded like a little kid, hiccupping gently as she swallowed. Her aunt looked to her right and saw Elijah standing awkwardly beside Ellie. “Who’s this handsome young man?” she asked endearingly.

Ellie took a step closer to him. “This is Elijah, my boyfriend.”

“Ellie and Eli! That's cute, isn't it?” her aunt scrunched her nose.

Elijah stuck out his hand for a handshake and straightened his posture. “Hello, Miss…?”

“Auntie Margaret Ann,” Ellie finished.

“Just call me Auntie, dear,’ Auntie winked. “My husband is back there somewhere – he’s been taking it hard, losing his momma today.” She looked at Ellie, “Anywho. How long have you two been together?”

Ellie tightened her arms around Elijah. “Oh! About a year and a half now.”

“Over a year? How come I’ve never heard of him? Are you trying to keep him a secret?” Auntie teased. Ellie blushed, pressing her face against Elijah’s bicep. “He’s too handsome to keep secret, Ellie. If you don’t brag about him, other gals might try to make a move – trust me,” Auntie leaned in and held the back of her hand to her mouth, “it’s how your uncle managed to keep me, otherwise I would’ve gone after the fifteen other studs chasing me,” she muttered.

Ellie giggled and looked up at her, indeed, very handsome boyfriend. She smiled warmly at him. “Maybe I should.” She squeezed his arm a little.

Auntie Margaret Ann sighed contently. “So…” she raised her eyebrows and grinned mischievously at them. She waited for them to catch on but Ellie and Elijah stared and waited for her to continue. Auntie leaned in and looked at Elijah. “When are you popping the question?”

Elijah’s eyes grew in fear. Ellie released her grip around him and trying mouthing words, hoping to find an answer. “Weeee, um,” she drew out her words, hoping Elijah could give an excuse. “Weeee—shoo…”

“It’s…” Elijah rotated his hands. “It’s still kinda early, ya know?”

“Yeah! Yeah.” Ellie chimed in, turning back to her auntie. “Yeah, it’s still early to… um…”

“We’re still young.”

“Totally! Yeah. Super young still…”

Auntie Margaret Ann squint her eyes at them. Then she grabbed Ellie by the chin and gently squeezed. “Okay, you two. Well,” she stepped back and looked at them both. “it was very nice to meet you, Elijah. And, Ellie, don’t hide back here too long. Be with family today. It’s good for you.”

Ellie nodded and smiled wide. “Thank you again, Auntie.” Auntie Margaret Ann held up her hand and waved her fingers up and down as she left.

Elijah walked Ellie to his black sedan, leading her to the passenger side door and opened it. Ellie bent down and got in. Elijah shut the door and walked around the back of the vehicle to the driver’s side and opened the door. He stepped inside and started the car. His hazard lights started flashing.

The black sedan drove in the middle of a long line of cars, all flashing hazard lights, as a police car lead the funeral procession. Elijah gripped the wheel with one hand on top, resting his elbow beside the window. He glanced at Ellie, who sat still and watched the cars out the window go by. “Hey,” Elijah broke the silence. She looked back at him and waited. “You doing okay?” Ellie looked at him for a moment and then looked back out the window. Elijah flexed his fingers over the steering wheel, realizing it was a stupid question. “Sorry,” he apologized. “You’ve just been quiet and I wanted to see how you were.”

“I’m okay,” Ellie said vacantly out the window.

Elijah nodded to himself. “Yeah, I remember when my MeeMaw passed away a few years ago.” He sat there silently. He looked back at her and tried his best to encourage her with his smile alone. “But, things’ll turn out okay.” He rested his hand on her thigh. “I’m here for you.”

“Have you thought about us before?” Ellie blurt out.

“What?” Elijah was stunned, pulling his hand back.

“Sorry—um. I’m just thinking about what Auntie said.” Ellie glanced down and then back out the window.

“What… what about what she said?” Elijah asked cautiously.

“Just like… I don’t know. I just think its funny how this is the first time it came up in conversation. Have you thought about it at all?” She turned to face him.

“Thought about what?” Elijah tried to remain naïve.

“Us. The future.”

Elijah took a breath and exhaled slowly. “Uh… I mean… it’s…” Ellie waited patiently, though her eyes paralyzed Elijah. “It’s just that…” he paused. Ellie blinked rapidly as she looked at him with great concern. “I don’t know. There’s still things to figure out, you know?”

“So you haven’t?” Ellie pressed.

“Babe, why don’t we talk about this another time, okay?” Elijah gestured to the funeral procession ahead of them.

“Sure.” Ellie nodded confidently.

Elijah looked at her, a little surprised she agreed so quickly. “Okay.”

She looked straight ahead and pushed her cheek out with her tongue. “When, then?”

“Just, another time. Let’s focus on the funeral.”

“I don’t know if you’ll bring it up, Elijah, if we put if off now.”

“Alright—Ellie—”

“No, listen, why did it have to come down to my own auntie asking you about it for that to become the first time you ever thought about marrying me?”

“We’re not, you know, super far into it or anything.”

“We’re not super far into it?” Ellie repeated in a stern tone. “It’s been a year and a half. I know for some that’s not an eternity but you’ve met my family. You’ve had dinner with my parents, you’re attending my grandmother’s funeral—”

“That’s what boyfriends do, Ellie,” Elijah raised his voice in aggravation. “A boyfriend does those things, it doesn’t mean, like—”

“It doesn’t mean what?” She pressed him.

“It doesn’t always mean as much as you think it does.”

Ellie’s jaw dropped. “Really?” She nodded sarcastically. “So none of this has meant what I thought it had?”

“That’s not what—no, Ellie—”

“So this,” she gestured at the funeral procession, “This is just some courtesy? You know, no wonder my family doesn’t know much about you, you haven’t been intentional about being with them.”

“Oh, so that’s my fault they don’t know about me?” Elijah challenged. “You, apparently, don’t mention your boyfriend to any of them, but that’s on me?”

“I see my auntie twice a year, Elijah! You see my parents every weekend and you can’t tell me anything about them.”

“That is not true at all,” Elijah refuted.

“What does my dad do for work?”

Elijah hesitated. “How many times am I supposed to talk to your dad about his job?”

“What about my mom?” She waited; growing angrier the longer Elijah remained quiet. “What college does my brother attend? How old is my sister? What sport does she play?”

“So I don’t know all those things!” Elijah shouted. “What am I supposed to do? I know you! I know who you are!”

“But you don’t know about the people I care about! You don’t take initiative, Elijah – you’re respectful but you wait on the sidelines while my life is passing by, like you’re a fan watching a game. I’m trying to include you in my life but I’m worried, now, that if I don’t make the plans myself you won’t ever include yourself on your own. I have offered everything about myself and my life and now – shit! – now I realize that maybe… maybe you just wanted to be loved by someone, Elijah, but you didn’t want to go through what it takes to be in love. Why haven’t you invested in these things? It’s not just me and who I am, but everyone that I care about.”

Elijah stared ahead at the road, silently shaking his head. “I love you, Ellie. I mean that.” Ellie waited for more. “I love, love, love you.”

She scoffed. “That’s it?”

“Excuse me?” Elijah looked back at her with shock. “What do you mean is that it? I just told you I love you.”

She threw her hands up in disbelief. “What does that mean?”

“What?! I don’t know what else you want but there is nothing I mean more than telling you I love you – and if that’s not enough for you, then…”

“Then what?” she asked softly. Elijah didn’t respond.

Ellie and Elijah watched the coffin lowered into the grave. Ellie’s eyes were red with tear stains on her cheeks. Her mother held her around her shoulder, comforting her. Elijah stood apart from Ellie, staring at the white casket. He watched as the people one-by-one took a clump of dirt and sprinkled it on top of the casket. Ellie and her parents along with her siblings took clumps of dirt and tossed it in the grave. Elijah followed behind them, taking a small wad of earth, and tossing it carelessly inside. He wiped his hands on his pants.

Elijah watched Ellie standing in a circle with her family talking together. Her mother nodded while Ellie left the circle and approached Elijah.

“Elijah,” she said quietly. He looked at her nervously. “I’m going to go with my family instead. I think it’s good to be with my family the rest of the day.” Elijah nodded. Ellie put her hand up and waved quickly at him. As she turned around to leave, Elijah stuffed his hands in his pockets and watched Ellie return to her family.